As a child, I had some trauma that I didn’t deal with properly and, as a result, there were some pretty dark times in my life as a young, blossoming adult. I was a hothouse flower with a hot head, trying to survive in an (often self-imposed) cold world.
I never felt sorry for myself, which is a good thing, but there were some out-of-control years that I’m not proud of, with the period between age 21 until about 28 among my worst. These were the years that the anger, self-hate, and feelings of worthlessness reared their ugly head, and I was given the choice to do the work and slay the beast or to become the beast.
I was, admittedly, scared. It was extremely frightening to think about where my life was going to end up, and to face the long road of confronting my inner demons, and forgiving those who wronged me while learning to love myself. These were daunting and seemingly impossible tasks at that time.
The only person who always stood by me, even at my worst, was my dad. He was my rock, and he always told me that heaven had a plan for me. He used those words. He believed in me when no one else did and constantly told me that I didn’t need to worry.
My father is no longer alive, but his love for me (and the messages he wishes to remind me of) are often placed in my heart while I’m running. This time, I heard it loud and clear, even though I keep my iPod volume way too high, and I burst into a sob.
My legs just kept going (while my breathing was chopped to bits), choosing to ignore the cries, as if they had their own set of earbuds with the volume cranked too high.
The tears weren’t all about me, however, and the message was two-fold because it brought to light the many emails, phone calls, and conversations that come from so many of my girls in Girls with Sole. They often tell me how scared they are; how out of control their lives feel; and how they fear their feelings of worthlessness or ugliness will never go away.
It’s now my turn to be the rock and to let them know there is a plan for them. The plan is to show them that there are people in their lives that care and that I know things can seem hopeless, but if you take care of yourself and stay healthy and strong with exercise and hard work, anything is possible.
The plan is for me to be there and to bring Girls with Sole to them so that they can bring themselves across life’s many finish lines. “Don’t you worry child, see, heaven has a plan for you.”
By getting lost in the music, art, fitness, nature, philanthropy, or whatever it is that you’re passionate about, you will begin to discover the courage needed to build and construct your design for change, for being who you are, who you want to be or for chasing and attaining the life you want.
This is an excerpt from Girls with Sole by Liz Ferro. Girls with Sole is available on Amazon and Audible.
This article was originally published on A Girl In Progress.
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