I am child-free by choice.
There is nothing wrong me. I’m not broken. I’m not mentally scarred. I’m not traumatised from a bad childhood.
I just don’t want to have children and I don’t want to be a mother.
Turns out, I am not the only one. And with more women choosing not to have children, why does society feel the need to ‘fix’ me?
One theory I have is because I’ve chosen to go against a traditional choice people believe in, there must be something wrong with me. Because who would possibly say no to this lifelong, life-changing commitment? Only a crazy person, right?
I was raised to believe I could be anything I wanted in life. And that included the decision to become a mother. I saw the choice to be a mother as one that was a killer of dreams, an end to all my freedom, a ball and chain holding me to a life I knew I would hate.
I know many women don’t feel the same way but there are a lot that do. That doesn’t mean we are all screwed up. It means that we know our own desires and what is right for us. And we should trust in our decision to remain child-free.
Yet many people have a hard time viewing the child-free as an acceptable part of society. It is ingrained us – most mainstream media news, TV shows and fairy tales share stories that show women following only one pathway: motherhood. And it is usually packaged up in a message that deems becoming a mother an accepted and ‘normal’ choice.
But what does ‘normal’ mean, anyway? What’s normal for me won’t be normal for the next person. And in our modern world I don’t think there is a ‘normal’ anymore.
I would also like to know what exactly is it that people want to fix about me? Is it my choice? Is it because others think I’m ‘selfish’? Is it my desire for freedom?
I’m at a loss to what or how others are going to fix me. Judging me, bullying me and haranguing me to change my mind about having children won’t fix me. It will only make me unhappy and it won’t make others feel any better either.
I’m not perfect but I don’t need to be fixed. What I want is for people to accept my choice, be happy for me, and support my choice to remain child-free.
Every parent knows how hard it is to be a parent. So, knowing this means they should understand that the choice to remain child-free is one that should be celebrated as the considered choice it is.
My choice to remain child-free may be an uncommon one, but it does not make me broken or crazy or a problem to society.
I am child-free and I don’t need to be fixed.